Secret Santa
by Blu Rose
Summary: Oneshot. Valvatorez x Artina. When the Hades Party is pulled into doing Secret Santas, it goes from chaos - as is expected of the Netherworld - to something of a more slightly more serious note.


**Tis the season of Christmas, and though I've finished the main story of Disgaea D2 (despite spontaneous glitches), I still haven't done a crossover fanfic for Disgaea 3 nor Disgaea 4. I'm not sure **_**why**_** it's important I do so, but I think it's because I've already done fics for the games that came before them, so… I mean, I even had some ideas for a crossover between 3 and 4 where Valvatorez was going to become Dean/Teacher at a school, but…yeah, that's not gonna happen.**

**Anyway, to apologize to myself for being a non-working procrastinator and to work out my frustrations over my glitchy Disgaea D2 playthrough, I decided I'd just write a little holiday story for the Disgaea series. Enjoy!**

_Disclaimer__: Blu Rose does not own the Disgaea series or any of its characters. She only owns this story._

**X-X-X**

"_Why_ are we doing this, my lord?"

"Because, Fenrich! We have been challenged, and it would reflect poorly on us if we turned it down while our comrades met it head on."

Fenrich sighed as he stood beside his lord before their destination. It'd been ages since he'd last seen a shopping mall like those on the second-level of the Netherworld, if only because all their needs had been met by the local Rosenqueen merchants down in Hades, and anything they didn't have, the Hades Party didn't need. However, their needs were different this time, and it was all the fault of one delusional little lass.

'_Celebrating a __**human**__ holiday like Christmas in the __**Netherworld**__. Damn that girl and damn that brat for passing a bill to make it an official holiday!'_ The werewolf thought sourly as _he_ and his lord entered the building. Lights and trimming the colors of blood red and puke green hung along the walls and for some reason, the sight made Fenrich feel sick. Thankfully Hades avoided such a fate, but only because of a deal that was made with the obstinate Fuka.

"_If we can't decorate the place to get into the season, let's just do Secret Santa instead!"_ She said. Fuka then went on to explain the concept of Secret Santa. It was a tradition in some parts of the human world where people drew lots with the names of another person on them. They would then either have to go out and buy a gift to give the other person anonymously or have to buy gifts for everyone _but_ the person they got. The Un-Prinny, though, left out the detail that there was a limit to how expensive said gifts had to be, as she was too busy gushing over the gift she gave and received the year before her death.

The explanation came with a series of mixed reactions from most of their party, but when Valvatorez showed some interest in it, they decided to give it a try, albeit grudgingly. To the former Tyrant, it was an opportunity for them to bond and strengthen their relationships as comrades in arms.

"Now then, why don't we buy _your_ present first, Fenrich?" Valvatorez suggested as he scanned the crowd of demons.

Fenrich shook his head. "There's no need. I've already gotten a gift for the person I drew." Luckily, it was the Figaro the Catsaber, and one only needed to give the demonic furball an expensive piece of fish that _wasn't_ a sardine to make him happy. "So allow me to help you buy a guy for this person you drew. Simply tell me their name and I will go fetch it."

The vampire closed his eyes in thought. "Hmm… Correct me if I'm wrong, Fenrich, but the _secret_ part of Secret Santa is what's important about this…_tradition_, isn't it?"

"True."

"That means that we must keep the identity of the people we're getting gifts for a secret. Which means that I cannot tell you."

Fenrich smiled knowingly. How like his lord to take such trivial matters so seriously. "That is one way of looking at it. However, another is that you simply have to make sure that person doesn't know who gave them their gift."

Valvatorez frowned and folded his arms across his chest. "Fenrich. _No_."

"It would make this experience so much easier on you, Lord Val. I know enough about everyone registered in our party to determine a suitable gift for each of them. If you would just tell me their name, I would get it for them."

"Allowing someone else to do that would make the growth our bond shared a lie! And I swore to myself that I would buy them a gift myself!" Valvatorez exclaimed far too dramatically for something like gift-buying, his cape flaring out as he did. He calmed down and stared at his steward for a few seconds before sighing. "However, you may _help_ me choose something by suggesting some things. _Suggest_."

Fenrich smiled. "As you wish, my lord. Now then, who are we shopping for?" Before his lord could open his mouth to complain again, he quickly added, "By which I mean what kind of person? A child? An adult? Male or female? Humanoid or monstrous? If you want me to be of assistance, Lord Val, I must know at least _that_ much."

"…Very well. A woman. A…mature woman, most of the time." Valvatorez's gaze drifted towards a candy shop down the way. "Women like sweets, don't they? Fuka sometimes goes on about things like chocolate and candy. That would make a suitable Christmas gift, wouldn't it?"

Ordinarily, he would say _'yes'_ just to get the torture over with, but it was his lord and he wanted to do something meaningful for this woman in order to strengthen their bond. "Though that is a good idea, my lord, I believe a more appropriate gift would be something they would use, not eat. Clothing would be a choice if you knew her size, but since I'm sure you don't, perhaps some jewelry or perfume would do."

A light seemed to go on in Valvatorez's eyes. "Of course. Excellent idea, Fenrich. _One_ of those things might hold her interest."

Minutes later, the former tyrant and his unnoticeably suffering steward made their way to a store and endured the worse part of the sudden holiday season: the _shopping_. While such a thing was normally chaotic in the human world around Christmas time, such chaos was an everyday occurrence in a Netherworld shopping place—at least, one that had no proper security. The only thing bad about it was how annoying it was to swat and crush a group of powerful demons who wanted the same item, only for Valvatorez to say it was "awful" or "gaudy" or "unsuitable for her tastes" every time he actually got his hands on it.

"Ugh, we're getting nowhere! Where are all the _good_ wares?! The _Item World_ has better-looking things laying about for even the lowliest demon to touch!" Valvatorez complained as he stepped over a beheaded Zombie that was groping around for its head. He held a hand to his head, almost feeling a migraine coming on. "I doubt there's anything here that could fit an angel's tastes!"

Standing a few feet away was Fenrich. His ears twitched at the mention of angels and he turned to look at his lord. "An angel?" That narrowed it down quite a bit. There were only a handful of female angels in Hades: those who came for training, that boneheaded Archangel, and…_that thief angel_. "My lord, I'm not certain we'll find anything to suit an angel's bizarre tastes in here," Fenrich began as the vampire began to pick up and toss aside perfume bottles, lotions, and other items. "Perhaps we should shop elsewhere—"

"Oh! I didn't expect to see you two here." A familiar voice made both Fenrich and Valvatorez straighten up for different reasons. They both turned around to see Artina approaching them, carrying a bag branded with the store's logo. "Are you two here shopping for your Secret Santas?"

Valvatorez folded his arms across his chest. "That's correct. So if you don't _mind_, please step away so that both our presents may _remain_ a secret!"

Fenrich stared at the bag the angel was carrying and snorted. "You actually bothered to _buy_ something? I assumed a thieving, money-grubbing angel like you would sooner steal a gift than buy something."

Artina held her purchase to her chest. "Well, you assumed wrong, Mr. Werewolf. Even if it isn't the main purpose of Christmas, giving someone a stolen present's an awful thing."

'_Says the woman who steals money for her superior.'_ The werewolf thought as he stared at the pink-haired angel. "…Perhaps you could be of some use, then." As much as he hated to say it. "Lord Val means to purchase a gift for an angel, so unless they're _all_ as money-grubbing as you, maybe you could steer him in the right direction. So tell us what it is an angel would like."

The Angel of Avarice pouted and folded her arms across her chest. "Are you _asking_ me or _telling_ me to tell you?"

"I'm _commanding_ you to tell us, you—!"

"That's enough, Fenrich!" Valvatorez exclaimed. "Artina, I appreciate the sentiment, but this is a task I must take on _alone_. Otherwise, how can I truly say that it was _I_ who strengthened my bond with…that angel?"

Artina stared at the vampire for a few seconds before smiling. "Somehow, it figures you would take a thing like _gift shopping_ so seriously. But!" She grabbed hold of Valvatorez's hand, which caused both him and his steward to flinch at the invasion of personal space. "I'm going to help you make the right decision! If only because I don't want you to choose something that'll send the wrong message across. Case in point," she took a box of lady products from him and looked at the contents. "If you give them things made with ingredients like _'Slime droppings'_, _'Alraune's essence'_ and _'Succubus blood'_, they might hate you even if they don't know _who_ you are."

"Now see here—!"

"Take your hands off of him!"

The angel pretended not to hear either of them and proceeded to drag Valvatorez to another part of the store.

**X-X-X**

"What about that one?"

"No."

"This one?"

"No."

"_This_ one?"

"No! Damn it, Artina! Why can't you see that everything you're pointing out is just _wrong_?!"

Artina frowned. "What do you mean _'wrong'_? No one expects an incredibly expensive gift for Secret Santa! A little bracelet or a necklace is something nice and cute, and unexpected considering we're in the Netherworld! It's a good gift for your typical girl, and your typical angel."

Valvatorez held a hand to his head and sighed in frustration. "She…is _not_ a typical angel! At least not like the kind I was told about. To her, money is _very_ important. Ergo, she must like very expensive things! Anyone would! …Right?" He peeked out between his fingers at her.

"Like I said, it's not about the price of the gift that matters. It's about your reason for giving it. If you're giving it to make someone happy, they shouldn't care so much about the price! Like Lady Flonne said, _'a gift is a way of expressing your love for someone'_."

Valvatorez continued holding his hand over his face, though he could feel his own cheeks heating up. "Love? Far from that! For me, this gift is merely a way of strengthening a bond with my fellow party member. Nothing more, nothing less."

"Camaraderie could be called a kind of love in its own way, y'know."

Fenrich growled, having had enough of their conversation. "Enough talk of _love_! This has nothing to do with _love_! Lord Val is simply kind enough to bother nurturing a relationship with an angel who won't even know who actually gave them their present, let alone be here forever."

Artina fell silent for a few seconds before she sighed. "Fine. Conversation dropped. But really, if it's for the sake of nurturing a bond, it shouldn't matter what you buy. So go ahead and buy what you want." She stared down at the jewelry for a few seconds before pointing down at something. "Oooh, that one's lovely! I might actually come here again after Christmas to buy it if it's still around."

"Hm?" Valvatorez's gaze fell upon a necklace with a cross pendant. "Quite stereotypical for an angel, wouldn't you say?"

"Say what you want, but it's something any angel would want. …But, my opinion's not what matters here." The angel began to walk away, waving goodbye to the vampire and his servant. "See you later, Mr. Vampire. Mr. Werewolf."

Once she was out of sight, Fenrich stared at his lord. "My lord… Forgive me if I appear to be forward, but, the person you drew wouldn't happen to be that thieving angel, would it?"

"Now, why would you ask that, Fenrich?"

"She's the only angel amongst our party that I know of who makes money her major goal."

Valvatorez narrowed his eyes and scoffed. "Don't be ridiculous! It isn't _her_! And even if it was, what of it?"

"If it _was_ her, I'd simply want to tell you not to bother with anything very _expensive_. She'd probably hock it and donate the money she received to that airhead superior of hers." Fenrich was fairly certain of that for sure. No matter how much she tried to hide it behind that guise of a caring, loving angel, she was no more than a hypocritical thief in his eyes.

"Hm… Perhaps." The vampire found himself staring down at the jewelry case longer than he should have.

**X-X-X**

Several days later, on Christmas day, rather than being amongst the rest of his party, Valvatorez was sitting in his quarters, watching the view of Hades. In a nearby trashcan was an empty tin of sardines—a gift that would've been poorly received by anyone that wasn't Valvatorez or a Prinny. Oddly enough, Fenrich wasn't in the vicinity, if only because he left to get his lord a drink—one that didn't have blood snuck into it like the last one. The former Tyrant became alert as he heard the door open and close. "That was certainly fast, Fenrich. I would've thought it would take you…" He trailed off as he turned around and saw Artina standing by the door, holding her hands behind her back and wearing a simple-looking necklace with a cross.

"Hello, Mr. Vampire."

"…Artina."

"Now why would you be sitting in here by yourself, I wonder?" The angel asked as she approached his desk. "Could it be because you're hiding from me?"

Valvatorez scoffed and leaned back in his chair. "Of course not. Why on earth would I be hiding from you?"

Artina smirked in a manner most unsettling to the vampire. "How ignorant do you think I am? None of the other angels received any jewelry as a present."

"So? I could've simply decided to buy something _other_ than jewelry."

"Such as…?" The vampire opened his mouth to answer, but found himself unable to come up with anything. The angel's smirk fell and she stared at him with a serious expression. "Be honest now. You're my Secret Santa, right?" He nodded. "In that case, thank you very much for your gift. Now I have to give _you_ a gift."

"Oh, no, no, no. You aren't my Secret Santa and I've already received my gift. There's no need to—"

"I _want_ to," Artina interrupted, leaning across the desk so that her face was uncomfortably close to his. "I really…really…want to…" She spoke softly and slowly before pressing her lips against the demon's. The kiss seemed to last for only a short moment, though, because she quickly pulled away, cringing. "Ugh…! Your mouth tastes like sardines…!"

Valvatorez clapped a hand over his mouth, not because of the offensive remark about sardines, but because of what had just happened. "Wh-why did you kiss me?! Are you trying to make me flustered?!" Because it surely worked. He could feel his face heating up and didn't want to know just how red it was.

The pink-haired angel smiled. "I was not! Though it was a plus… That was my gift to you. A kiss could be considered a gift to someone you truly love."

The vampire recovered from his shock and began to frown, though his cheeks still had that unnatural shade of red to them. "There you go again speaking about love… Why must you angels always bring _love_ into a conversation?!"

"It's okay if you don't feel the same, you know. I understand. Why bother getting too attached to someone who may not always be there?"

Valvatorez blinked. "Come again?"

Artina folded her arms behind her back and looked down at the floor sadly. "Something Mr. Werewolf said reminded me: eventually, I'll be finished with my duties in the Netherworld. That means that one day, I'll have to return to Celestia. We might never see each other again." She looked up at the demon before her, who was now leaning forward at close attention. "So I figured…I may as well show my feelings for you. Even if you probably don't share them."

Valvatorez got to his feet and slammed his hands down on the desk. "Don't be ridiculous! Between your thieving ways and all the violent deeds you've done, I'm certain they'll never let you back into Celestia!"

"I'm not hearing you say whether or not you love me."

"Now see here!" The vampire snapped, circling around the desk and approaching the angel. "You expect a _demon_ to express love the same way as a _human_ or even an _angel_?! When we're often raised to think of such an action as foolish? You think it's so easy to just walk up to a woman you haven't seen for _centuries_, who _died_ because of your inability to save her, and just tell her that you loved her and perhaps _always_ did since so long ago?! And then to have her proclaim her _own_ love and then say she'll leave you again one day?! Why would any demon do that only to gain more heartache in the end?!"

The room became disturbingly silent. Valvatorez found himself breathing heavier than he would've liked to, his hands balled up into fists and his head pounding. Artina stood before him, looking at him in astonishment.

"I…appreciate your feelings towards me, however misplaced they may be. And perhaps one miraculous day…I might be able to return your _love_."

Artina began to smile and giggle. "But Mr. Vampire…you already have."

"...Excuse me?"

"You basically just told me that you love me!"

Valvatorez frowned and folded his arms across his chest. "I said no such thing! That was merely an example! Don't make it out to be anything more!"

"Riiight. Just an example. You can try to delude yourself all you want, but I know the truth now. And I'm glad." Artina leaned in once more to give him a kiss on the lips. "And hopefully, if we ever _do_ part, you'll be more honest with your feelings than you are now." The angel smiled to herself once again as she turned on her heel and walked out of the room, leaving a stunned Valvatorez.

Seconds later, Fenrich returned carrying a glass of cider. "Lord Val? I saw that angel leaving the room. Did she…_do_ anything to annoy you?" He observed the blush on the vampire's face before he turned his back on the werewolf.

"…No, Fenrich. No more than usual..."

**X-X-X**

**Yeah, I'm fairly certain I made Valvatorez and Fenrich out of character. Artina, not so much. It's been a long while since I've played Disgaea 4, so I plead forgiveness for brutally butchering their characters and wish everyone Happy Holidays!**


End file.
